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Watching

Waiting

For something

That will

Never

Happen

We dream

And fantasize

Of what’s not real

Waking

Up to

Reality

 

Though it is not what it seems

This is our world, the air we breathe

Fantasy’s just make believe

It is our job to referee

This is a world, we touch and feel

 

Please read

Between

The sheets

Of paper

Those we

Have seen

It will

Set your

Soul free

The truth

The lies

Reality

 

Though it is not what it seems

This is our world, the air we breathe

Fantasy’s just make believe

It is our job to referee

This is a world, we touch and feel

And feel

And it’s real

 

(Solo)

 

Though it is not what it seems

This is our world, the air we breathe

Fantasy’s just make believe

It is our job to referee

This is a world, we touch and feel

And feel…and it’s real

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~Say “I Do”~

This moment changes everything

 When I pretend I’ve fallen

You think I’m hurt, but I’m okay

My next words take your breath away

And as I’m looking up at you

You try to act without a clue

Though you never expected this

Somewhere a star granted your wish

 

The whole world slows down for you…

 

I said take a breath, a chance, a step

Moving towards what happens next

On a knee I look at you

And all I said was say “I do”

Just say “I do”

 

And now your heart, it skips a beat

As you start falling out your seat

You stumble to get on your feet

Didn’t see this coming from me

You look up with your hands in place

As though you’re thanking him with praise

And then you look back down at me

Just as the word’s about to leave

 

As the world slows down for you…

 

I said take a breath, a chance, a step

Moving towards what happens next

On a knee I look at you

And all I said was say “I do”

 

When the words leave your mouth just make sure it’s the truth…

Cause tears can lie and so can you…

When the words leave your mouth just make sure it’s the truth…

Cause tears can lie and so can you…

 

Then the world slows down for you…

 

I said take a breath, a chance, a step

Moving towards what happens next

On a knee I look at you

And all I said was say “I do”

Just say “I do”

Say “I do”

Say…”I do”

“I….”

“I’d Rather Live In My Dreams”

It’s amazing that every time I wake up I feel like I’m in a nightmare.  It feels like everything I dreamt about made more sense than reality.  I act exactly how I should, they way I feel.  I had a dream that I was playing a concert in California for a crowd my age.  As if that wasn’t awesome enough I remembered that song that was played in the dream.  The only problem with bringing it to reality is teaching myself to shred the way I did in that dream.  I even checked, the strings, the chords, all the picking was legit.  How I played that fast I have no idea, but I plan on pushing myself to get to my dream status. 

Just like in every dream things are pretty random.  After to playing I signed autographs ad hooked up with two girls back stage.  Shortly after, I was seen by the director of Underworld.  He told me that I had a style that only I could pull off.  Obviously, I took that hell of a compliment.  He offered me a small role in his next movie, which ironically dealt with vampires, but the setting was in the now and not the past.  All I had to do was go into a bar and play normal until a fight broke out and I was biting by this sexy blonde british vamp.  I even felt that sexually lust while getting bitten.  It’s amazing how you subconscious makes your beliefs so real.  Well, she killed me in the movie, but she liked my performance so she got me to play in one of her major movies coming out.  So she got me a more major role.  I played her boyfriend in a town torn by racism.  I was a black dude dating a girl from the wrong part of town, according to their perspective.  We were both hunted down, but love was the only thing that kept us alive.  You know the cliché.

Eventually, me and her hit it off and actually started dating.  When she was called in for another movie she begged them to give me another major role, and they did.  This time I gave a lot of suggestions to change the script and got kicked off the set indefinitely.  I thought it was the end of a good ride but, it was just the beginning.  I was later offered a contract to create my own script.  That sky rocketed my career.  I actually remember the exact story, but I’m gonna keep it a secret case it was good enough for me to actual write notes as soon as I woke up.  It’ll blow Underworld out of the water then blast it in mid-air, and these are words from an actual fan.  Maybe if you’re nice I’ll send you a personal to find it out.  Anyway, ’till next time folks…goodnight! ^_-

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A Thanksgiving Vacation…or is it a nightmare?

Here I am in this room wondering what went wrong,but truly knowing deep down what happened. I poisoned a close friend of mine with the intention of doing more damage than good. Eventually you get what you ask for. Now the girl I can’t shake and the girl I won’t shake both see me as than man I am today. The man I have become, which isn’t much of a man at all. I want to be forgiven for everything I’ve done but I can’t be if I continue to carry on the way that I have.  I have bad habits, smoking, drinking, and acting a complete fool. And time and time again I can never redeem myself.  What have I become. It goes against everything I believe in.  At least everything I origanally believed in.  I sit here typing, hearing the sob cries of a victim of alcohol.  Alcohol that I brought to her.  It kills me inside because the fact is its really my fault. Now I must go in search of a better future that’ll never come.  ”Goodbye cruel world” I speak as though I’m the saint and it replies” Goodbye cruel Steve, you will burn in hell for what you did whether you confessed or not.”  All I can say is I’m sorry. Makes no difference whether I mean it or not though. It doesn’t help to dwell on it though. I close my eyes trying hard to clear my mind of sin…

^-_Without The Truth_-^

We are leaving in a lie

All the pain we try to hide

It’s just a sparkle that’s

Without a truth…

My role was major in a sense

Cause all the time that we had spent

Changing each other’s lives

Without a clue…

And no matter what we say

The situation stays the same

We’re just playing in this

Endless game…

I’m was down with what we had

You hooked me on but I just dragged

Through a window in your

Mindless  pane…

 

~And in my defense

It seemed worth it~

 

Which role are you?

The forbidden fruit

Which hides with lies

Behind the truth

Or is it me

Who isn’t real?

That’s become numb

To what I feel

Was this dream done?

Before it began

And created this pointless

Ending

And has it seen

A brighter you

A brighter me

Without the truth…

We could never write a book

We’re whispers that aren’t understood

Characters that live

Without a tale…

It will always end this way

I know its driving you insane

The end will always be

A reach less range

 

~And in my defense

It seemed worth it~

 

Which role are you?

The forbidden fruit

Which hides with lies

Behind the truth

Or is it me

Who isn’t real?

That’s become numb

To what I feel

Was this dream done?

Before it began

And created this pointless

Ending

And has it seen

A brighter you

A brighter me

Without the truth…

 

If you read between the crooked lines

You see that I had lost my mind

To try and feel like it was real

When everything just rolled down

The time we shared was ill-prepared

Inside my chest the scars I bear

But I’ll be fine, best I can do

Cause this story isn’t of me…it’s of you

It’s of you…

 

I want to give you what you need

Something to touch and that can feel

But now I’m sitting here

Without a name…

Just a legend in your life

To gain its knowledge you must pry

Because to you I’m just

The one to blame…

 

~And in my defense

It seemed worth it~

 

So which role are you?

The forbidden fruit

Which hides with lies

Behind the truth

Or is it me

Who isn’t real?

That’s become numb

To what I feel

Was this dream done?

Before it began

And created this pointless

Ending

And has it seen

A brighter you

A brighter me

Without the truth…

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~Bitter Sweet~

I’m sure everyone has had a bite of this so called forbidden fruit.  Why?  The taste is too sweet.  And the opportunity is always ill-presented.  It is always when you’re in a situation that you are out of control.  By that I mean, you have done something were you personally have lost control.  Whether it be a relationship or a job or anything.  You like the idea that this fruit and you are strongly attracted to each other.  You can’t help but sink your teeth in.  Almost always, either before, during, or long after you know deep down that it isn’t right.  You tell yourself that it is fate, when in truth, in your mind, it’s whatever you want it to be.  I have been tempted by this fruit and have admired and applied all the five senses to it, only to know that no matter what, it will never end in my favor.  Just like an actual fruit, it will wither away and die.  It’s sad to see things so beautiful slip right through your fingers, only to leave you alone, and with great regret.  Worry not, though the fruit has died fate will have it so that you can get another chance to taste the sweet juices of injustice.  It will be back in season before you know it, though it might have a different shade and a different aroma, you will be tempted and attracted just the same, as if all efforts and attemps to avoid its luring effects will fail miserably.  All you can do is hope that you can learn from it.  Learn it’s habits, that way if ever baited again in the future you can overcome it’s powerful and temporarily fufilling passions.

I’m not Perfect, but that’s okay…

I used to think that when I came back from australia that I finally started to become myself.  The truth is, it proves that I’d become the total opposite.  I have always had an independant personality.  I never thought I needed anyone to help me with my problems because I knew exactly how to deal, but that’s a just a lie.  I used to be a little boy with morals and beliefs that showed what kind of man I was to become.  I used to get people telling me that I was really mature for my age.  Now I say it to everyone else.  It’s not something you can judge on your own.  I feel like when I came back that I left that little boy over there.  I never had a great childhood, so I tried something new when I was out there, like a fresh start.  I thought it was just letting lose and having fun, living life, being free… but what happened was I got too lose and I let myself go, and now the real me is stuck out there between Sydney and Cairns.  I got more results being this totally different person, then I ever did as little Stevie,  and little by little I thought I was finally growing up, but I’ve just been falling down.  I tell everyone that you only live once as an excuse to say what’s on my mind, and do what I want, even though I always feel like I’m making a mistake every time I open my mouth.  The little boy I used to be would never had even told you what I felt was what you wanted to hear when I first met you, because I knew it would lead to a relationship based off a lie.  Now this is me in a position that has no position at all, not a seat left on this train we call life. Turns out that Teddy has been sitting on the lap of Little Stevie, making him the first person anyone ever meets first. It’s like I’m the towel boy that tells everyone that I’m on the LA Lakers when I’m lower than there laundry.   I’ve always wanted the effect that whenever someone mentioned my name was to honor something  good that I’ve done or a skill that seperates me from the crowd.  Like music, racing, dancing, and just the way I’m living… Now I’m ashamed of what I’ve become because, though on the surface it’s the truth, deep down my whole life after 16 was a big lie.  I knew I didn’t want to join the corps, but pride took over.  I never wanted anyone to think that everything I said was bullshit so I followed through.  For being the youngest, I’ve always had to fight for the attention of even my family.  Not your average baby in the family.  It took my mom 4 years to realize that I was into music.  It took my sister 6 years to realize that I have tried to stay out of her shadow.  It took my brother his whole life to realize that I wanted to be just like him, even though his whole life was fucked up, I figured maybe then will I get his attention like a real older brother to the youngest and not a rival. The older brother that guides me in the right direction until one day he’s not just proud of what I’ve become, but proud that he had a hand in it.  I just wanted the love of my family and it has been the hardest battle I have ever faced.  I’m like that burnt out bulb in between the thousands that light the tree on christmas.  It doesn’t take very long before everyone just moves on from it and covers it with the ones that work, thinking, ‘You can’t even notice it.’  I started being open and honest with my family because the shock from what I had been doing used to be the only thing that would keep their attention on me.  I did whatever I could to make them feel like I needed them just so they would stick around, and just like before I replaced myself, like the bulb in the massive chain of flourishing lights, I had slowly faded from everyone’s minds.  It was only a matter of time before everything came crashing down.  Since my big change in character I have lost more friends, more hearts of the ones I love, and even the glimmering hope that everything was going to be okay.  It took all this pain I put everyone through, including the little boy known as Stevie that I used to be, before I realized how unhappy I was, and I have no one to blame but myself.  I don’t know if anything will start turning around for me, but I hope this realization kicks the stupid, immature, childish, lying, man called Teddy that I’ve become, in the nads.  The decesion I made in australia should have just been a phase but, it became a lifestyle.  And just like all good things, this needs to come to an end now.  So here’s to thinking twice, three times, and just thinking too much period.  I won’t second guess myself again, because if I have to then maybe what I’m doing isn’t the right thing for me… For all the hearts I’ve broken, when I say I don’t love you, don’t take it the wrong way.  I just don’t love in the way I say I do.  I  just love the fact that somebody really loves me, even if it’s just my personality I call my image.    I’m sorry for letting this drag out so far to begin with.  All I can ask for now is forgiveness, so that forgiving myself is that much easier.
 
From the heart,
 
Stevie…
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